A year ago, I made an important decision that I thought would change my life for the better. I expected my life to suddenly become something straight out of a coming of age movie but unfortunately for me, that didn’t happen. In fact, the opposite happened. The effects of that on my mental health were harder than I imagined. I quickly fell into a pattern of negative thinking, which made me feel unhappy, lost, and like my life wasn’t moving forward in any way. If you’re feeling anything similar to what I was, here is what you should do to change it :
Give up self criticism and self pity
A lot of us grew up in households where we were expected to upkeep incredibly high standards of behavior, no matter what. A lot of us also grew up feeling like we had no control over our lives and used self pitying as a way to cope. Whether you’re hating yourself and giving yourself crap for being the way you are, or pitying yourself and cursing the circumstances that put you where you are, they both stem from the same bottom line ; being a victim. In the case of self loathing, you’re being a victim to yourself. Your own emotions. Half of you is a villain and the other half, its victim. And truth be told, there is nothing that limits you more than that. Stop letting your limited perception of your life determine whether or not you’re allowed to be happy. Take back that control. Replace your habit of self criticism with positive reinforcement that motivates you. You messed up an important exam? Everyone makes mistakes, you’ll work twice as hard on the next. Your mistakes don’t define you, or your potential, and neither do your circumstances. Put a stop to letting them control your ability to make a change in your life.
Create a different mindset
Fortunately (or unfortunately?), your mind doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what’s not. This is proven by a myriad of scientific studies. One study in particular, involved two groups of people that were asked to play a set of keys on the piano. Plot twist though, one group was asked to actually play them, and the other was asked to imagine playing them. Brain activity of both groups were scanned, and both showed increased activity in brain regions related to motor movement. The popular phrase “you create your own reality” is looking really good right now, isn’t it? That’s because it’s true. Your brain cannot tell the difference between what is real and what is imagined. This is why it’s so easy to trick your brain. You can create, and be any version of yourself you want to be. It just depends on you. In order to start feeling happiness, you need to pretend like you’re already happy. Change your outlook on the world. Change the way you see things. Replace the negative “I can’t do that anyway” mindset with an “of course I can do it, I’m a beast” mindset. Your brain won’t know the difference, and eventually, it won’t just be a mindset anymore.
Do something productive
The importance of productivity can be understood by first understanding dopamine. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that among other things, plays a role in motivation and feelings of reward, which subsequently, affects your happiness. Dopamine is released in your body when you’re expecting a reward, which brings me to the concept of cheap dopamine. This is released when you do things that provide you with instant gratification and guaranteed pleasure. For example ; watching porn, going on a shopping spree, posting something on social media and waiting for the validation to roll in, eating fast food, etc. After these tasks, you’re left with temporary feelings of pleasure and accomplishment, without actually having accomplished anything. Constantly engaging in these activities actually causes your dopamine receptors to burn out, leaving you feeling empty and unmotivated in the long run. This is why you need to incorporate productivity into your life in order to stay happy. Being productive obviously means different things for different people, but whether it’s cleaning your house, finishing one assignment a day, or working out for thirty minutes, do it. Do things in your day that leave you feeling accomplished.
Create change
Your brain is constantly being altered and reshaped in different ways. This is called neural plasticity. Neural plasticity means that your brain constantly rewires itself to adjust to new experiences and changes. However, your neural pathways also operate on the least resistant path that takes the least amount of effort, which means they constantly choose paths that are familiar and easier to take. In other words, human beings are mostly always conditioned to feel, do things, and live a certain way and their brains constantly reinforce that because it’s just easy. In order to break free of that bubble, and destroy bad habits and alter negative emotions, your brain will need to create new neural pathways that are uncomfortable and unfamiliar. This is hard because, while your brain craves novelty, your body wants comfort. This is also why it takes repetition to create a habit and why it is so hard to break one. Because when that habit is created, your body officially works in autopilot and easily conforms to it. In order to stop feeling the same emotions you’re feeling, it’s important to stop doing the same things you’re doing. So incorporate change into your life. Do things differently.
Now start the change
My best advice is to start small. If you put too much effort into making a big change in one day, chances are you’ll be exhausted and back to square one in no time. So start small. Start with changing one thing in your day you’re not proud of. You don’t like the way your body looks? Start doing exercises at home. Even if it’s 2 squats a day or 5 pushups a day. Start. You’ve been thinking about starting a business? Write your business plan in bullet points as the ideas come to you. But start. As minuscule as you think the effects of this will be, I promise you they won’t. Most people lock their minds up in a small box, waiting for life to just happen and make things better. Not only are they abandoning their sense of control (and decreasing their self efficacy, which leads to lower self esteem), they’re also locking away the ability to reach their full potential. The key to making a big difference, is to make a small difference first. The combination of those small differences will create something big. Whatever it is you want to do, start it. One is greater than zero.
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