When you hear the word “sadist”, you might think of cruel villains in horror movies or dark chapters from history books. While we often think of sadism in terms of extreme, criminal behavior, it can also show up in less obvious ways in everyday life.
Traditionally, sadism is defined as the tendency to find pleasure in causing physical pain, suffering, or humiliation to others. But more broadly, sadism can also be seen in finding enjoyment from the discomfort or bad luck of others, even if it doesn't involve physical pain.
What does Psychology say?
Understanding why some individuals may exhibit sadistic traits in everyday life requires delving into several psychological theories:
1. Psychodynamic theory:
This idea comes from Freud, a psychoanalyst, who believed that our early childhood experiences shape our adult behaviors. According to this theory, sadistic behaviors may emerge from unresolved conflicts and impulses from early childhood [1].
2. Behaviorism:
This theory suggests that sadistic traits can develop through learned behaviors [2]. For example, if someone feels powerful or gets attention after dominating or hurting others, they might repeat these actions because the outcomes feel rewarding. This learning can happen in different environments, such as within families, among friends, or under the influence of media.
3. Personality psychology:
This area of psychology looks at specific personality traits, notably those in the Dark Triad—narcissism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. People with these traits often show a lack of empathy, engage in manipulative behaviors, and might even enjoy seeing others suffer [3]. These characteristics are often closely associated with sadistic behaviors.
Miranda Priestly from “The Devil Wears Prada”
Miranda Priestly, the iconic character from the movie "The Devil Wears Prada," provides a nuanced example of a character displaying everyday sadistic tendencies in a non-criminal context.
Played by Meryl Streep, Miranda Priestly is the formidable editor-in-chief of Runway magazine, whose behavior, though not physically abusive or illegal, often crosses into psychological manipulation and subtle cruelty.
Examples of sadistic behavior:
- Psychological pressure and humiliation: Miranda frequently uses cutting remarks and impossible demands to assert control over her employees. An example of this is her request for her assistant to obtain an unpublished manuscript of the next Harry Potter book, setting it up as a test of her assistant's ability and dedication.
- Manipulation for amusement: Miranda seems to derive some level of satisfaction from watching her subordinates scramble to meet her high expectations. Her requests often seem designed to assert her power rather than achieve any practical outcome.
- Indifference to others’ suffering: Miranda displays a notable lack of empathy for the personal lives and feelings of her staff. Her primary concern is how well they perform their duties, regardless of the personal cost they might incur.
The Spectrum of Sadism
Sadistic behavior can be seen as a range of actions and attitudes that vary widely.. It's important to understand this spectrum because it shows us that not all sadistic behaviors are obviously harmful or criminal. In fact, some tendencies can manifest in everyday settings like humor, competition, social interactions, and the workplace.
Humour
- Mild: liking to tease friends in a lighthearted way
- Moderate: making sarcastic comments that might leave someone feeling a bit embarrassed or uncomfortable, especially if the target isn't completely willing or the audience laughs at their expense
- Extreme: cruel or humiliating jokes that are designed to demean or degrade someone in front of others, causing significant emotional distress
Competition
- Mild: enjoying the thrill of beating others in a friendly game, where the main goal is simply to win
- Moderate: gloating excessively after victories or purposely flaunting success to make losers feel worse, where the enjoyment comes partly from others' disappointment
- Extreme: sabotaging competitors in order to win or taking pleasure in their failures to the point of causing them harm or significant loss beyond the competitive activity itself
Social interactions
- Mild: lightly poking fun at or playfully embarrassing friends or family in social gatherings
- Moderate: using knowledge of someone’s insecurities to subtly undermine them in group settings, possibly under the guise of humor or casual observation
- Extreme: manipulating social situations to isolate someone or actively encouraging others to exclude or ridicule them
Workplace
- Mild: taking pleasure in having authority or seniority to assign menial tasks to newer or lower-ranking employees as a form of asserting power
- Moderate: setting up colleagues to fail or taking credit for others' work, enjoying the discomfort or career implications it causes them
- Extreme: engaging in systematic bullying, such as spreading malicious rumors, or making decisions that jeopardize someone’s job security, all for personal satisfaction or to assert dominance
Each of these examples shows how the intensity and context of sadistic behavior can vary greatly. In milder forms, the behavior might be socially tolerated or seen as harmless by some, but as it grows in intensity, the potential for real harm increases, crossing into territories that can be ethically and legally questionable. Recognizing these behaviors early can help in managing them more effectively and maintaining healthier interactions in all areas of life.
Removing the stigma
By understanding sadism on a spectrum, it becomes possible to talk about milder forms of sadistic behavior that commonly manifest in everyday life, such as taking pleasure in someone else's minor misfortunes or competitive victories.
Addressing and destigmatizing these everyday examples can lead to a greater understanding and healthier societal attitudes:
1. Understanding, not condemning: it is important to differentiate between having sadistic impulses and acting on them in harmful ways. Many people might experience fleeting thoughts or feelings that can be classified as sadistic but choose not to act on them. Educating the public and individuals about this distinction can help reduce stigma and encourage those who struggle with these impulses to seek help.
2. Normalizing conversations: discussions about sadistic impulses in everyday contexts can help normalize the conversation around these behaviors, making it easier for people to acknowledge and address them without shame. For example, admitting that one finds humor in certain competitive or embarrassing situations can open the door to understanding why these feelings arise and how to manage them responsibly, without escalation or harm.
3. Integrating ethics and empathy: teaching and fostering empathy and ethical behavior from a young age can help individuals understand the impact of their actions on others, whether in jest, in competition, or in daily interactions. Integrating empathy into the dialogue around sadism can help individuals recognize when their actions may be hurtful and adjust their behavior accordingly.
4. Normalization of therapy: encouraging those who experience intense or distressing sadistic impulses to seek therapy can be beneficial. Therapy provides a safe environment to explore these feelings, understand their origins, and learn healthy ways to channel and control them.
By promoting therapy as a normal and positive option, society can help individuals deal with their impulses without judgment.
While the term 'sadism' often has negative connotations, understanding its psychological roots and spectrum of behaviors can lead to better personal and social outcomes.
Sadistic impulses do not have to dictate one's actions or define one's character. By acknowledging these impulses as just one aspect of complex human behavior, we can manage them in positive ways.
Therapy and open discussions about these tendencies can destigmatize them and help individuals lead balanced and fulfilling lives. These efforts not only benefit the individual but also enhance their relationships and contribute to a more empathetic society.
Sources Used
Sternbach, O. (2006). Aggression, the death drive and the problem of Sadomasochism: A reinterpretation of Freud's second drive theory. The Psychoanalytic Review, 93(6), 857-882. https://doi.org/10.1521/prev.2006.93.6.857
Carlson, G. E. (1975). Facial Cues, Empathy And The Theory Of Social Behaviorism (Order No. 7606553). Available from ProQuest Dissertations & Theses Global; ProQuest Dissertations & Theses Global Closed Collection. (302771351).
Chester, D., DeWall, C. N., & Enjaiain, B. (2018). Sadism and aggressive behavior: Inflicting pain to feel pleasure. https://doi.org/10.31234/osf.io/cvgkb
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